My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
