i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What a dumb baby whore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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