do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
