The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
