Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
