I hate all girls vehemently.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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