i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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