At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
