you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
