Your face is a jimmy john
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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