I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
