i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
