Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
