I will die if light touches me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
