So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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