I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
