I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
