He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
