So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize