i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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