So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize