just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
