Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
