She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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