The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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