I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
