i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We left the knife in your bed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
