I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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