we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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