I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
