I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
