she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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