Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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