An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
