I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
