question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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