I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
