Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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