im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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