sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
