I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
