It's Friday. Sex?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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