i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
