OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
