oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
