That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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