We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize