I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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