I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My ass is underappreciated
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize