I am spending my child support on dildos
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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