i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
