if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize