Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
