Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
