It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think your dad took our porno
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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