Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
