I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
