I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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