Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
