Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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