what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize