No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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