DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
