allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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