Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
