So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
