There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As shirtless as possible
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
