he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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