I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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