i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
God I need to hump something, right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
