member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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