We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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