I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
